Yesterday I wrote the introduction to a book project I’m working on. I’d tried to write it once before, but it requires me to go into a very dark place where He lives. For any newcomers to this blog, He is the persona that I have created to represent my addiction to alcohol and marijuana. And I had to tell a Facebook group that I wouldn’t be posting said introduction, despite assurances I had made earlier that day that I would, because I couldn’t give any feedback it’s just due. And besides that, facing Him is exhausting enough.
Now before you start thinking “Oh spare me. He’s doing that artist thing where they talk about their “creative space” as if it’s something that they have over on the rest of us.” Not at all. It’s just the way that I parcel out my mind, have to parcel out my mind, so I can be a functioning human being in this world and not start grabbing the knives. I think most people have encountered enough other people that are not quite right in the head that they wished had created a coping mechanism for their madness to know that mine is actually quite healthy. And I figured if I couldn’t share my writing with others, I could share my thoughts about my writing with others. So yeah, this is that.
Back to the book. Actually getting inside, totally inside, my mind and talking with Him was rough duty. I wouldn’t recommend it. Well, He doesn’t live in your head, so there’s no danger of that happening. At least, not talking with my Him there’s not. You may have your own Him. Take my word for it, throwing off the gloves and facing Him head-on instead of shirking around trying to pretend He’s not there is much more effective and, oddly, satisfying. Plus, if you ignore that your Him is there, not only will that just make Him infinitely stronger, it will also piss him off. And not in a good way. More like that Rocky Balboa “Eye of the Tiger” way. Me, I just grabbed the bull by horns, son. And when I got done with the Introduction, that freed me up to really think about the book itself.
I’ve always had a problem with just letting go and start writing, punctuation and spelling grammar be damned. I get writing three or four lines and I instinctively and immediately proof read those lines (Dammit! I just did it with that last sentence) and if I want to maintain some sort of cohesion or flow, I can’t do that. I think all writers, to some degree or another, are their own worst editor (I just now had to stop myself, finger hovering the back arrow key). That’s why we get so miffed when our editors have the audacity to, well, edit. It’s like “Thanks Captain, but I got this and require no further input from you. Just run that bad boy straight to the proofer. Thanks.”
Anyway, the intro is done and now I can concentrate on … um …. Well …. Shazzbut. I have no idea where to start. Any ideas?