“Life is just a ride. It has its ups, it has its downs, But it’s just a ride.”
_ Bill Hicks
I was taking a shower this morning and suddenly, He was around my feet. He had come through the drain and slithered around the bathtub, coiling Himself around my legs. In an instant, He constricted and pulled my legs went out from under me. Within seconds, I could feel the slimy scales of his body around mine and he squeezed tighter, ever tighter. He had coiled himself around me and then we were face-to-face.
“I’m not afraid of you,” I said and meant not a word of it. “You have nothing to do with this.”
“I have everything to do with this!” He said. “You are WEAK. You are STUPID. And you are DELUSIONAL! Did you REALLY think I was gonna let this happen.”
I struggled to free myself and He squeezed his slimy body tighter. He looped His head around mine and came up to my ear.
“What are you gonna do, Ahab. Huh? What are you gonna do now?” Breathing His foul breath into my face. “Let me end your anticipation. They say every alcoholic starts planning their relapse before they even know _”
“No!” My body was wet, so I was able to free myself from him. I struggled to get out of the bathtub but my foot couldn’t find purchase on the back of Him and I slipped and banged my head on the sink and fell to the floor. Blood trickled down my nose as He wound His way back up to me again.
“All those nice people out there who believed in you, told you you could do this? They were patronizing you. Nobody thought you could do this. You were the only one gullible enough to believe that. And now, you’re not going back to that school because you can’t do it. So you might as well give up now. Hell, put off the relapse for a couple more months, get some crappy job you hate far away from all the cute and cuddlies you seem to like so much. That’ll start the ball rolling.”
He had coiled Himself into a kind of perch in the tub and His tongue zipped out and stroked my cheek. My tears wanted to come, but I halted them. Without even thinking about my next move, I grabbed the tongue, stuck it in my mouth, and bit down. He yelped and pulled His tongue away, but not before I had torn off one tine with my teeth. We sat there for a moment, both bleeding. Then I rose and wrapped a towel around my waist.
“I’m going to the gym, then I’ve got jobs to find. Better get some gauze on that tongue.”