Can you keep a secret? Pt. 1

“Alright guys, huddle up. We need to talk.”

“What about Him?” Cornelius Aloysious Andronicus motioned to Him.

“Don’t worry about him,” I said. “He’s been drinking Old Style and cheering for the Tigers all day. He’s passed out.”


Aloysious put down his book, The Second Chance Dog: A Love Story.  “This better be good. I was just about to start this.” He put his horn-rimmed glasses in the breast pocket of his sweater vest and walked over.


“Me too?” Libido asked.


I rolled my eyes and bobbed my head a little. “Alright, yeah, you too. C’mon over here,” then mumbled to myself, “Won’t matter to you, you weren’t in on the last decision either.


“Me come to?” Cookie Monster said through a mouthful of Oreos.


“Yes, definitely C.M. Get over here. Alright, who’s left?”


I glanced around the Great Hall searching for the rest of my spirits. The Great Hall looks like the enormous study room of my university library at Loyola Chicago. Row after row of huge rectangular, deep brown wooden study tables with a soft study lamp every four feet. Only unlike all the photos depicting students intently hunkered over books like in all the brochures, my Great Hall is mostly empty but for a handful of my spirits.

“You!” The body didn’t move. “Hey You!” I spoke just above a whisper so as not to disturb Him.  Nothing.  A deep breath and a look around, then I dug through my bag and pulled out the cute little pocket stapler my mom had given me.

“Hey!” I said a little louder and beaned him in the head with my projectile.  “Hey, 40 Pound,  get over here!” A man wearing a pair of gym shorts, running shoes and what appeared to be a protein shake clutched in his hands woke up and looked groggily over at me. He also took a deep breath and stood up as he nodded his head. He was coming, his body said.

In the corner, He shuffled a bit, mumbled something like “This ain’t Hahvad Yahd”, rolled over and was silent.


“I need you too, Bill.”  Bill W. put down his AA Big Book, straightened his tie and turned his chair to face me.


“Alright, so here’s the deal. There’s been a change of plans …”

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